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Sydney Epps

Canton Dragon

Drove around for a Saturday afternoon lunch post-movie. The exterior is quite unique for a Chinese restaurant, which drew us there. The restaurants interior was just as impressive. However, the customer service and food left much to be desired. Immediately after using the restroom, I was pressed to make a drink and food option. I hadn’t received a menu yet. A gelatinous soup was placed. It looked similar to Egg Drop but tasted like aged chicken stock. Two rounds of two different waiters in 3 minutes and I had a good idea of what I’d get. I had no time to pick something new so l went with an oldie but goodie, General Tso’s Chicken. Horrible. Battered and fried, like Sweet and Sour Chicken usually is, but swimming in sauce and onions. No broccoli or likened attributes. My partner’s Spicy Beef was also battered. This has never been the case with either dish from countless other restaurants dining the same cuisine. The vegetable roll was decent, but the spicy mustard was down to the dregs and tasted as such. The hot tea and horoscope table placemats were my favorite part. There were four parties in house during our stay; the restaurant easily sits 70+ people. It seemed as if they were rushing people out. Our two meals put us out $25; usually a decent price but not for the lack of quality exhibited. I felt as if we were unwanted. Quite a pity that the physical establishment is where the compliments end.

You want a bikini body? You already have a bikini body!

There is a reason why bikinis come in more than one size.

That’s a fair argument.

That’s a fair argument.

So you want to have a child?

If you are going to get pregnant, there are things that we, the public, want to say to you… but are afraid to say.

We are hoping that you have enough money to take care of yourself, because why would you birth another human being if you cannot take care of the primary being you are responsible for? 

We hope that you are employed, have a grand amount of savings, are educated, live independently, that you already contribute positively to the local, state, and national community, and that you are fully committed to the partner you plan to procreate with. 

We hope that your partner is equally employed, with an equal amount of savings, education, independence, and that they are contributing to the community as well.  

We would appreciate it if you take the time to evaluate if you and your partner are prepared for such a time-consuming, and financially-consuming challenge. 

We hope that you recognize that if your relationship is not stable now, having a child is not going to make it any better. 

We hope that you two realize that your child probably will not be the next president, or cure cancer, and we really do not need it to be here if you’re not going to be able to care for it together in a stable household. If one of you plans to leave this child with the other when things get rough, please invest in birth control. Save a being and adopt a rescue pet. Perhaps this would be a better addition to your family. 

We also want to let you know that, if you two really love each other, and plan to be together, you are already a family unit. Having a child is not necessary to be defined as a family, and we as a society are (slowly but surely) coming around to this realization. Please do not have a child because you feel as if you need this to substantiate your unit, to friends, family, or to us as a whole.

We hope that you have healthcare, because why would you become pregnant without being able to cover yourself if an accident or illness should occur? You already expect for us to help you out if something were to happen to you; now you want us to take care of somebody else?

We hope that you have overestimated how much pro- and post-natal care costs, and that you have dutifully researched your current health care to make sure that it offsets the cost of you having a child.

We hope that you ladies and gents realize that, as much as society makes it seem as if being a parent is the most important thing that you could ever do in your lifetime, there are so many other ways you could impact so many more people besides having a child. In fact, you will probably never have enough kids to influence more than you can influence the world through living your life to serve others and finding your purpose. Think of all of the amazing people who have never had children yet change the world. Mother Teresa, Oprah, Joan of Arc, Beethoven, Sir Isaac Newton, Betty White, Amelia 
Earhart, Socrates, Cameron Diaz, Helen Mirren, Marilyn Monroe, George Clooney, Hattie Mcdaniel…. just to name a few.

We hope that you realize, after having this child, you will not be special. You should not be surprised when people do not treat you differently than they would treat anyone else. Yes, some people will give you more attention and cater to you because they feel as if you need more assistance than the average Joe or Jane, but don’t expect this treatment from everyone. A lot of us will not care to extend you more leniency or courtesy than we extend to sole citizens. In fact, a lot of us are annoyed with the fact that you receive preferences for procreating. It’s not like it is the hardest thing to accomplish.

We all want tax breaks. We all want to board the plane first. We all want a close park to the entrance of the mall or grocery store. In fact, deep down inside, we all want to ride in the cart.

We, as your friends and family, do not think that your child’s first poop, or any other menial accomplishment, is worthy of continuously talking about. You will probably struggle for a few months or years in realizing that the last thing we want you talk about on a daily basis is your child. Some of us will not identify you as anything else but a child surveyor for now on, but appreciate those of us who will see you as the person you were before you had a child. Don’t forget to take some time out for us, without your kid in tow. It is OK to hire a babysitter. 

By the way: We are not your babysitters. Those of us who are interested will present ourselves as such.

We hope that you have thought long and hard about your decision to bring another life, or possibly, multiple lives, into this grand social community. Please raise them to be positive contributors to our environment.

Good luck,

We, the People
So you want to have a child?

If you are going to get pregnant, there are things that we, the public, want to say to you… but are afraid to say.

We are hoping that you have enough money to take care of yourself, because why would you birth another human being if you cannot take care of the primary being you are responsible for?

We hope that you are employed, have a grand amount of savings, are educated, live independently, that you already contribute positively to the local, state, and national community, and that you are fully committed to the partner you plan to procreate with.

We hope that your partner is equally employed, with an equal amount of savings, education, independence, and that they are contributing to the community as well.

We would appreciate it if you take the time to evaluate if you and your partner are prepared for such a time-consuming, and financially-consuming challenge.

We hope that you recognize that if your relationship is not stable now, having a child is not going to make it any better.

We hope that you two realize that your child probably will not be the next president, or cure cancer, and we really do not need it to be here if you’re not going to be able to care for it together in a stable household. If one of you plans to leave this child with the other when things get rough, please invest in birth control. Save a being and adopt a rescue pet. Perhaps this would be a better addition to your family.

We also want to let you know that, if you two really love each other, and plan to be together, you are already a family unit. Having a child is not necessary to be defined as a family, and we as a society are (slowly but surely) coming around to this realization. Please do not have a child because you feel as if you need this to substantiate your unit, to friends, family, or to us as a whole.

We hope that you have healthcare, because why would you become pregnant without being able to cover yourself if an accident or illness should occur? You already expect for us to help you out if something were to happen to you; now you want us to take care of somebody else?

We hope that you have overestimated how much pro- and post-natal care costs, and that you have dutifully researched your current health care to make sure that it offsets the cost of you having a child.

We hope that you ladies and gents realize that, as much as society makes it seem as if being a parent is the most important thing that you could ever do in your lifetime, there are so many other ways you could impact so many more people besides having a child. In fact, you will probably never have enough kids to influence more than you can influence the world through living your life to serve others and finding your purpose. Think of all of the amazing people who have never had children yet change the world. Mother Teresa, Oprah, Joan of Arc, Beethoven, Sir Isaac Newton, Betty White, Amelia
Earhart, Socrates, Cameron Diaz, Helen Mirren, Marilyn Monroe, George Clooney, Hattie Mcdaniel…. just to name a few.

We hope that you realize, after having this child, you will not be special. You should not be surprised when people do not treat you differently than they would treat anyone else. Yes, some people will give you more attention and cater to you because they feel as if you need more assistance than the average Joe or Jane, but don’t expect this treatment from everyone. A lot of us will not care to extend you more leniency or courtesy than we extend to sole citizens. In fact, a lot of us are annoyed with the fact that you receive preferences for procreating. It’s not like it is the hardest thing to accomplish.

We all want tax breaks. We all want to board the plane first. We all want a close park to the entrance of the mall or grocery store. In fact, deep down inside, we all want to ride in the cart.

We, as your friends and family, do not think that your child’s first poop, or any other menial accomplishment, is worthy of continuously talking about. You will probably struggle for a few months or years in realizing that the last thing we want you talk about on a daily basis is your child. Some of us will not identify you as anything else but a child surveyor for now on, but appreciate those of us who will see you as the person you were before you had a child. Don’t forget to take some time out for us, without your kid in tow. It is OK to hire a babysitter.

By the way: We are not your babysitters. Those of us who are interested will present ourselves as such.

We hope that you have thought long and hard about your decision to bring another life, or possibly, multiple lives, into this grand social community. Please raise them to be positive contributors to our environment.

Good luck,

We, the People

The president of NASPA

The president of NASPA

Sunsets in the Parks